Chelsea vs Sunderland

An unexpectedly excellent point for Sunderland at the Bridge. Yes, Chelsea were poor and off the pace but credit to Sunderland for taking advantage. Bruce bravely went with two front men and the side responded as everyone had a good game.

Combing energy and commitment with some phases of excellent play Sunderland were rightful winners. Not allowing to Chelsea to settle on the ball they ensured the opponents didn't create any real chances in the opening thirty minutes or so and with the crowd quiet, the Black Cats began to push forward.

The pace of Welbeck and determined play of Gyan started to unsettle a makeshift Chelsea defence and it wasn't long before Sunderland fashion a series of excellent chances with Cech keeping them out. It was actually after a great double save by Cech that the opening goal of the game came.

Nedum Onuoha had followed the play froward from right back, picked up the ball near the edge of the area and dramatically ran through a gap of the center of the Chelsea defence, eluded a couple of chances and managed to scuff the ball into the far corner of the net.

Amusing when asked on the radio after the game if knew what he was going to do upon collecting the ball his response was to observer that he knew he was too far to shoot and just decided to push forward and see what happened.

In the second half it was fair to expect a response from the champions, but it never really came as again dogged defending from Sunderland (Zenden in particular was excellent in this regard) denied them a clear opening and seven minutes into the half a counter attack saw Welbeck combine with Henderson who played Gyan through on goal for the Ghanaian to finish comfortably.

Impressively Sunderland's work ethic didn't falter throughout the rest of game and Chelsea appeared to lack imagination enough to unlock and well organised defence. Turner and Bramble proving strong in the center as the full backs and wingers did well to keep Chelsea quiet on the flanks denying Cole and Boswinga the change to push forwards.

Sunderland's third came from a mistake from Cole as he undercooked a pass back to his 'keeper but it was a goal well deserved for young Wellbeck who I'd pick as today's man of the match for the red and whites.

Sunderland vs Aston Villa

Villa will count themselves unlucky to come away from this one with a defeat as in truth they dominated large parts of the game, keeping Sunderland penned back in their own half of the field for the duration of the second half in particular.

With Ashley Young and even Heskey proving constant threats. Sunderland played in well in bursts with once again Al-Muhammadi proving a handful on the wing. However Darren Bent was subdued and found his touch loose on a few occasions, though Cattermole once again managed to balance aggression and competitiveness.

But in defence Sunderland looked nervous and conscious of the pace within the Villa side, Turner in particular had a poor game as he constantly played the ball out of touch or straight back to his opponents.

The decisive goal game in the first half as Steed Malbranque made to it to the touch line and saw his cross put through the back of his own net by Villa's Dunne. Welbeck and Elmohamady both came close to adding to Sunderland's tally in the first half but after the break it was all Villa (although Bent was denied by an excellent challenge by Dunne when set free behind the Villa backline)as Sunderland throw bodies on the line and rode their luck during some vaudeville defending.

So not the level of performance of the last few games but the win will do the side good and Gyan appears to be getting close to full fitness and did enough to suggest a good partnership can develop between him and Bent during his spell on the field during the second half.

Like It's A Coincidence Those Teams Have "Left-Wingers"

Having mentioned my interest in American coverage of the World Cup in an earlier comment, I spent a little time hunting for links this afternoon. I don't have a complete picture yet, but thanks to Media Matters, I can at least report one thing: the lunatic Right are apparently determined to outdo themselves.

I mean... it's just... well, goddamn. What can you possibly say about someone convinced that soccer is being forced onto Americans by the Left in order to prepare for when the Hispanics take over? Because it's a sport designed for poor people? Created by chopping the heads off of Caucasians, or something! I had to check Dan Gainor was a real person, and that he represented a real institute. And that I was reading a real website. And English was a real language, that these two could speak.

I have to say, though, I'm in awe of Liddy. It genuinely had never occurred to me that someone might argue liking football was a betrayal of American Exceptionalism. Remember, kids! Watching soccer isn't just pointless; it makes you a traitor!

Really, it's quite a trick. It's like Aesop's fable about the fox and the grapes, only in this case the fox is claiming he doesn't want the grapes anymore because he's recently learned they were planted by brown-skinned Communists in an attempt to poison Sarah Palin.

Tonight I Have been watching : England vs Croatia World Cup Qualifying

Ok, a little bit different today, as I watched the football instead of anything else since it was an actual proper meaningful game.

So 5-1 to England and qualification for South Africa 2010 is job done. Well, you have to admit that's a good thing, a very good think if you remember there are two games spare.

Overall it was a good performance, more so in the first half with the team understandably taking the foot of the pedal in the second half. Lennon was a sight to see, a winger than runs at his defenders. Lo and behold it unsettles them and they give away fouls and a penalty. I'm thinking that right side is looking pretty good at the moment seeing as the opposition have take Lennon and Johnson out of the game to shut it down.

Yes, Johnson is still a little suspect going back but then that used to be Ashley Cole and as much as I think Cashley is a bit of a tool you have to admit the guy can play and has become arguably one of the best left backs in the world at this stage.

Seems Lampard and Gerrard are starting to learn to play in the same side together although it could be interesting when Joe Cole comes back to see if Capello thinks he can fit the three of them in at once.

Heskey retains his ability not to score. Though I do concede his presence does seem to upset backlines.

I also feel it will be important to wrap John Terry in cotton wool and sit him down in a nice quite room at the back of next May, he is going to be vital at the back.

As for Croatia well, they were disappointing on the night never really getting their game together after the early conceding of the penalty. Still guess I shouldn't really complain about that.

So bring on next June (by which of course Sunderland will have achieved a mid-table finish and poor old Durham may have won a game)

Excuses

Well, November is proving to be a bit rubbish isn't it folks? Firstly I shall blame the switch to a new computer with Vista making setting my internet back something of bore and a chore. (grrrr)

Second to this I shall blame being lazy which in turn I blame indirectly on the fact it's darker than the cold dead heart of my colleague Squid outside for about 15 hours a day now.

On a side not, while I still believe 'You Only Live Twice' is the best Bond film by a considerable distance re-watching it recently you can't help but think, 'My, god they'd never get away with this now'. You see the depiction of the Japanese is er to put it kindly, 'stereotyped'. Let's not even mention the part where they Oriental-up Bond himself!

Still, internet connection should (hopefully) be sorted by the end of the week so things in theory will pick up.

Today's Burning Question No. 3

Can you engineer a helicopter with a swastika for rotor blades? And if so, would Max Mosley attempt to screw a hooker in it at 2o,ooo feet?

Michael Bay presents...

...Lewis Hamilton

In a sensational move after last weeks debacle at the Belgian Gran Prix a frustrated McClaren team are to appoint Hollywood director Michael Bay as team principle.

The new team leader has vowed to pursue the world title by all means possible, promising that no expense will be spared in the pursuit of glory. To this end Lewis Hamilton's car will now be fitted with specialist anti-Ferrari technology. Technology which will cause a lot of explosions and fireballs, pyrotechnics designed to be so impressive that all other drivers will slow to admire them and have a cheeky look to see if they can spot anything grim in the resulting accidents.

Hamilton is said to be thrilled by the team's new direction and can not wait to test out his new car which as he says "Makes KITT look like my grandmother's Skoda runaround!". Unconfirmed reports also suggest that the team will unveil a new second driver in the form of Decepticon 'Barricade' to add some 'aggression' to the team's racing style.

Fun In The Pool

Our hero and his witless foil take time out from their busy drinking schedules to hit the swimming pool for some manly exercising.

SS: I'm sick of this pool. There's never any action. Maybe we should try the new leisure centre they've opened.
C: We should have gone when it was doing that promotion and a swim was 5p.
SS: And have ourselves crushed to death by hundreds of tight-wad fatties fooling themselves that they're turning over a new leaf when really they're just disgusting me with their cellulite and their jiggling?
C: You don't want to see fat people swimming? Thank God this pool isn't mirrored.
SS: I don't want to see anyone swimming, to tell you the truth. I wouldn't bring you along if the people who ran this place would let me in unsupervised.
C: Have you considered anything as radical as just closing your eyes?
SS: I don't want to not see people. I want to see no people.
C: I don't understand the difference.
SS: Imagine my surprise.
C: What if everyone agreed to swim behind you?
SS: I also want to hear no people.
C: What if they were all ninjas?
SS: What the hell are ninjas doing in our new leisure centre?
C: We could hire them.
SS: Hire ninjas? To fill a swimming pool? That can't be economically viable, surely?
C: I guess that's a good point. Maybe pirates would be cheaper.
SS: Not really known for their stealth, though, are they? Mainly it's all raping and pillaging and "With a yo-ho-ho". It isn't really the silent death that comes in the night, y'know?
C: Yes, but if we hire pirates then ninjas will automatically gravitate towards the pool, in order to give battle to their ancient enemy.
SS: So now I'm swimming in the middle of a pitched battle between pirates and ninjas? It sounds pretty dangerous.
C: What if we kill the pirates ahead of time?
SS: So we're inviting the ninjas to come to the funeral? In the local pool?
C: Of course not. We just fill the pool with the pirates' blood. Then the ninjas will be paying us so that they can bathe in their hated foes' vital fluids.
SS: So, just to review. You want to fill a swimming pool with pirate blood, and have me swim in it, hoping that ninjas will join me in order to bathe in their enemies internal juices, but that they'll swim silently and always behind me so that I won't notice them?
C: What could possibly go wrong?
SS: Wouldn't the blood coagulate?
C: Only in the same sense that custard would.
SS: That makes no sense but I don't think I want further details. Anyway, my main problem is that having that many ninjas in one place is just an invitation for another ninja in a different coloured costume to show up and then beat the crap out of them all. You've setting me up to be an obstacle in an Eighties sideways-scrolling beat 'em up. Why would I want to take that chance?
C: No fatties?
SS: SOLD!

Our hero departs to swim a length that breaks the world record and makes all women everywhere swoon at the very mention of his name.

I Choose To Blame Satan

SpaceSquid had a difficult day today. All he had was the simple dream of winning at badminton. That became impossible, though, when it became clear that he and his naïve friends were playing with that most ancient and evil of shuttlecocks, that centrepiece of Satan’s own games set: the Doomcock.

Many are the legends of the Doomcock. Some say its flight is crafted from the gossamer wings of captured angels. Others say that the Doomcock was forged in the fires of Mount Olympus by the Greeks who first invented the game, because this was back in the days when the Greeks still actually got things done, even if the thing in question was the creation of the most diabolically evil high-drag projectile in sporting history. Still more claim the spirits of the dead weigh down the Doomcock, making it impossible to hit it over the net. They go on to say that it once made a child go blind, but that the child was ugly and quite whiny so no-one really minded all that much.

One cannot serve the Doomcock; for to touch the Doomcock is to have your soul flayed from your very body. One simply approaches the Doomcock as it hovers menacingly, and attempts to nudge it forward without its baleful stare stripping the flesh from your bones. Those who attempt to return the Doomcock explode in a gout of hellfire, condemned to spend eternity umpiring badminton matches between demons who cheat constantly and release unbearable flatulence with each smash shot.

The only way to win with the Doomcock is to become one with it. To feel and share its lust for human flesh and a strong backhand. Sure, through joining with the Doomcock, one becomes unbeatable, but at what cost?

At what cost?

Later on, it turned out that it was a normal shuttlecock, and that SpaceSquid is terrible at badminton. The Doomcock still remains at large somewhere.

Waiting.

Luis' 11

Luis Aragones' it has been suggested bears more than a passing resemblance to Saul (aka Carl Reiner) in Ocean's 11 hence the crude photoshoping effort above, (it's Luis Aragones flanked by Fabregas and Torres), portraying him on his escape from Switzerland after somehow conning his way to be Spain's most successful ever manager despite making a series of increasingly bizarre decisions.

Still, it's a funny old game as the Chin would say. Jumpers for goalposts.

New Balls Please

Ok, first of all how many of you read this post because the title has balls in it? C'mon now don't be shy...

Anyway as one sporting event draws to a close another starts and it's SW19 time again, or Wimbledon for the geographically backward (hint, it's in London). With 'Tiger' Tim (seriously? have you ever seen a sheepish Tiger that was resigned to defeat?) now eating the Strawberries paid for by the Beeb the remaining British hope is Andy Murray (who is Scottish the other fifty weeks of the year)

Now, Murray is a guy with more of a toughness about him than 'ol Timmy, but for Our Front Room it's hard to really warm to the lad. It's not personal, just purely an arbitrary vague dislike, as such Nadal (he of the differing bicep size - look, really, one arm is thicker than other) such be cheered on, generally because he looks like a skateboarder who ended up playing tennis by accident when someone told it was an extreme sport because the balls would explode if they bounced twice on your side.

But at the end of the day the main drawn of the tennis is the soothing rhythm of the ping-pong of the ball and that strange mind set that still tells you if you're watching the tennis you've managed to con the teacher into not trying to teach you anything for the afternoon.

Vive la Euros

At least one half of the room is excited today as the European Championships kick off. Some say it's not interesting because England are not taking part but if you take the approach that you can now enjoy every game without that gnawing feeling that national failure is only a central defender's penalty away it's suddenly all about just watching the game.

And now for a team by team guide :

Switzerland : Co-hosts but unlikely to progress with a defence built upon a man who can speak five languages but didn't remember to learn "man on", "mark up", "keeper's ball" or "clear it" in any of them, yes it's Philip Senderos

Czech Republic : Perennial dark horses the Czech's have carved out a niche in that not quite good enough to win it group of nations, expect Peter Czech to increasingly be lost under protective padding and excited chatter amongst mid table Premiership clubs over the new Poborsky.

Turkey : A talented group of players conflicted about if they should even be taking part in an European tournament or not, still expect 'Boro and Bolton to waving the cheque books about

Portugal : A strong chance of taking home the prize unless someone does every other team a favour and snaps Ronaldo in two within ten minutes of kick off. Still a side wary of deploying anything as useful as a striker who actually scores the occasional goal.

Austria : They are to the Euros what Derby were to last year's Premiership, only taking part because they are the proverbial kid who only gets to play because it's his ball.

Poland : First time at the finals proper, not helped by Germany nicking at least three players (Klose and Podolski included) and being over blessed in the one position on the field where you can't work a tactic to include your best players, that would by Goal-keeper. Still, a study outfit that might well give one or two of the bigger boys a fright

Croatia : Qualified ahead of England but missing that crucial killer instinct to push on towards the big prize, they only wish Steve McClaren could take charge of their opposition every time.

Germany : People are question their rearguard but they will surely reach the semis at least, as they always do. Have the twin advantages of being led by a Cyclon (Ballack, see previous evidence) and the only nation on the face of the Earth to approach penalty shoot-outs with-out fear.

France : A strong side full of talent and pace, a lot depends upon how long the team can progress before pulling a collective sulk at some perceived insult as a thrown in is given the other way. In an ideal world Henry will remember he used to be good and do something productive and Le Sulk himself will perversely find his Bolton form rather than his Chelsea one.

Holland : Getting a long with each other for change the Dutch could finally once more find glory. Van Persie and Van Nistelrooy supply the firepower and are backed up by the tumbli' Robben amongst others. If everyone plays nice with each for the full course of the tournament they'll be able to argue about who gets to sit next to the trophy on the way home

Italy : Once more expect the Italians to smoother the opposition into submission, score one goal a game and shut up shop. Demonstrating the art of defending and of breaking up the flow of the game by falling over and committing niggly fowls. Not pretty, but still pretty effective.

Romania : Drawn with Italy, France and Holland in the group stage, they are going home early but Andrian Mutu will probably find time to enjoy himself. Buying chocolate obviously.

Greece: The holders, which is still hard to believe, will play much the same as they did last time around. But with four more years on tired legs are much more likely to run out of steam and are a lot less likely to be underestimated by others.

Russia : Roman's second chance of Euro glory this summer, massive win bonuses all round and 'ol Guus Hiddink pulling the strings our friends from the East certainly won't be easy pushovers.

Spain : Perhaps the most talented team on display at the whole damn thing. Torres should be dangerous to even the hardiest defence and having Fabregas and Xavi in middle of the park isn't to be sniffed at. Still, expect a massive case of stage fright and underachievement but if they make out of the group stages, you never know.

Let the fun begin, all that remains is to find something to fill the football-less void in July, anyone for the Ultimate Frisbee World Championship?

Cylons are good at football

Again the spoilerphobes should look away.But

really if you're this far behind what are you doing?

But has anyone noticed how suspiciously like Chief Tyrol, Chelsea's German midfield general Micheal Ballack looks?

The Cylons have a plan. That plan is to come to Earth and win the Champions Leaque and World Cup and to crush the spirit of humanity by never ever missing a penalty.