Monday 31 May 2010

The World Cup Blaggers Guide Part One; Basics and England




Right the so the world's biggest sporting event is nearly upon us (more people will watch this than the Olympics) and I'm aware that some of you out there will be left struggling to really comment and starting to feel like the uncool left in the corner. At least during the Olympics hardly anyone knows that much about what is going on.

So I bring to you a blagger's guide to the 2010 World Cup, covering the basics of what you need to know and offering a few stock phrases to keep in your conversational arsenal for the summer. So let's kick off...

The Event
Held in South Africa, the first time the competition has hit the African continent. Concerns over safety have been downplayed by official body FIFA but the alarming events at the African Cup of Nations did little to allay fears.

Topics of conversation include questioning the cost of the new stadia versus, well, housing people. Why the grounds have been built away from the Townships where football is an important part of life the heartbeat of many communities. The effects of the high altitude of a number of the grounds (will Peter Crouch's head reach the ionosphere?) and or course the unifying power of sports events and how we all remember the Rugby World Cup bringing the South African nation together in 1995.

The Format
Beginning with eight groups of four teams the first round sees each side play one game against the other in it's group with three points for a win and one for a draw. As hosts South African will kick off. (Italy are the current holders). In the event of tied teams position will be decidedly firstly by the result between the teams themselves and then if that's a draw through a series of factors and if necessary a coin toss would eventually be used to separate the two!

After that it's knockout football complete with extra time (30 mins and no golden goal nonsense) and penalties (someone will cry) all the way to the end. There is also a third/fourth playoff game with traditionally no-one really cares about.

It all starts on Friday the 11th of June and runs through until the 11th of July.

England
Ok, so the England is most likely to be the topic on which you need to be sufficiently armed, well, if you live here anyway.

Under the leadership of Fabio Capello (just call him Fabio) England are currently installed as third favourites with a lot of bookies behind Spain and Brazil (more on them later) and arguably stand a good chance this time around with a bit of luck. This no doubt means it will all fall apart in the first game against the USA.

One of a few teams where all the players are from the domestic league England's raft of Premiership players will be familiar names to many but lets take a quick look a few of them and what you can say about them (and for the 'Heat' minded amongst you their partners too).

Wayne Rooney, England's talisman forward will be the main focus point of England's attack. The balding Man Utd forward is extremely gifted at the game for a portly builder who appears to have accidental been allowed to play. The Shrek look a like has recently become a father with wife Coleen and is coming off the back of a season where his good form almost carried his club to a record breaking title win. There is concern over his fitness as he was troubled by a series of niggling injuries towards the end of the season - i.e he will probably break down within ten minutes of the tournament proper starting. And he may yet smack someone in the face as the red mist descends.

Things to say;
"He reminds of me of Gaza in his prime"
"He's got a great football brain"
"Rooney, Rooney, Roooney!"
"He's our only truly world class player"

Peter Crouch aka Crouchy. The giant stick man who looks like even less like a top flight footballer than Rooney who somehow seems to be really good at scoring at international level (tho' remember to question the quality of the opposition if this comes up) is a good bet to start alongside Wayne in attack. Famous for being tall, once doing the robot after scoring and being well, quite a nice bloke. Also has a vaguely famous ladyfriend in Abigail Clancy

Things to say;
"My god, the lad's tall"
"He's twice the height of Theo Walcott"
"He's got a good touch for a big lad"
"..unlike Emile Heskey"

Emile Heskey is very much an opinion divider. Vital partner for Rooney to play off or lumbering waste of space that never scores and has the first touch of an over enthusiastic dog? Try gauging the opinions of those around before committing to a stance on this. However it is probably safest to ridicule if in doubt.

Things to say;
"He's vitally important as he helps Rooney exploit the space he creates"
"Heskey? Really? *sigh*"

Theo Walcott exploded onto the scene a few years ago and went to the last World Cup as an unplayed squad member. Fast, very fast, very very fast he can easily terrify opposition defences but sadly his passing and crossing is variable and serves between excellent, giving the ball tamely to the opponent or excellent but sadly ten yards ahead of his knackered teammates who couldn't keep up.

Things to say:
"Well Arsene thinks he's good"
"If only he could cross a ball"
"Eventually he'll be a center forward"
"He should be used as a substitute against tiring back lines in the last third of games"

Steven Gerrard and Frank Lampard we'll cover together. Steven (Stevie G) and Frank (Frankie L) are both talismen in the midfield for their club sides, both capable of turning a game around, scoring from the middle of the park and being the engine room of their side through which everything flows. This is great, apart from when they have to play in the same side. On their day both are excellent but the pair are yet to really demonstrate they can really play well alongside each other. Inevitably when they play in the same side one of them will be asked to play a role in which there are less effective, Gerrard typically on the left or Lampard in a more defensive role.

But for some reason Enlgand managers never see this despite the rest of the country doing so, no doubt including Steven's wife Alex and Frank's current beau The One Show's Christine Bleakley

Things to say:
"They really haven't proved the can play well alongside each other"
"Why doesn't Gerrard play for the England the way he plays for Liverpool"
"Lampard's most dangerous when making late runs into the box"
"Gerrard should play in the hole behind Rooney"
"Despite his recent record Lampard is still the best choice for penalty taker"
"It was so embarrassing when McClaren called him Stevie G"

Rio Ferdinand is England's captain and for the most part a reliable full back who can play a bit, but not quite as much as he thinks he can. He runs his own magazine and once tried to be a Jeremy Beadle for a new age but thankfully recently has stuck to the football. However he has recently has trouble with his back and has only played around twenty games for Man Utd. in the season just gone. Just comment that you hope his back stays in one piece and if he makes a mess of things make a crack about his brother having been picked by mistake.

John Terry I suspect you may know all about by now. Usually a rock solid defender in the center the media whirlpool around his indiscretions have seen him be a bit wobbly on the field recently, thought lifting two trophies for Chelsea last month will hopefully have settled him down.

Things to say:
Basically anything about adultery and trying to take any woman he meets to bed.
"Terry will mop up long balls down the center all day long"

Ledley King is a freak of nature. Afflicted by an injury that swells his knee up to three times it's normal size if he trains too much he is only really able to play one game every six days. Which conveniently is the gap between England's games. The freak part comes in when you consider that he is very, very, very good at center back without really training. If Terry or Ferdinand break down, go AWOL or just lose it in someone Ledley will step in.

Things to say:
"Imagine if he could train properly"
"How does he do it?"

Ashley Cole (aka Cashley) is actually, quite possibly the best left back in the world. Seriously. He's solid defensively, has pace to recover if needed and can run up and down the wing to support the attack all day long. He even can regularly cross the ball into the area very well and will occasionally score Dennis Bergkamp like goals. Which is all just as well because it seems that he's a bit of a tool, infamous for throwing his toys out of the pram at Aresnal over the difference of being paid £50,000 a week to £55,000 (hence Cashley) and routinely doing the dirty on (the soon to be Tweedy once again) Cheryl. On the other flank Glen Johnson is where Cole was a few years ago, basically a right winger playing at right back; great going forward, heart attack inducing when defending.

Things to say:
"He's probably the best left back around"
"Thank god Mourinho taught him to defend"
"If only Cole could play right back at the same time"
"Why would anyone cheat on Cheryl?"

David "Calamity" James is the goalkeeper of note that is in the squad, although Joe Hart is the better keeper at the moment so just saying Hart should be playing if he isn't.

Well that's some basics covered for the main players and should be enough to get you through, in terms of the team itself I recommend noting that England are most at home playing a 4-4-2 system but say you would like to see them try a 4-5-1 with Gerrard playing behind Rooney (see above).

Of course say you expect the team to go out on penalties at the quarter finals but a semi final place is more than achievable. Apart from than that learn the words to 'Three Lions'

Well that covers England and I'll move onto some of the other nations and other major players and talking points (offside rules and the interpretation of and the like)soon.

Any questions just ask folks, does anyone want a basic, basic overview at all? I.e what 4-4-2 is? What a center back is? A general football jargon guide?

Sunday 30 May 2010

Space shuttle timelapse coolness

Basically a timelapse video of a space shuttle from hanger to launch, very cool.

Tuesday 25 May 2010

It's gonna get Messi



Ok it's a terrible pun to open with but it could well be true. Everything is set for Lionel Messi to have a big impact at this summer's World Cup (well everything but the Argentine coach)

Messi is player named FIFA Player of the year before the age of 22 and has already broken all sorts of records at his club Barcelona since joining them as a youngster in 2000. At 17 years and 114 days old he made his league debut for Barca' in the 'o5-'06 season and since then he has only got better with each passing year.

And it is in the last couple of years that he has really begun to push on and become the talismanic leader of his club operating often as part of a fluid three man attack. In the season just gone he netted 47 times in 53 appearances and pretty much dismissed Arsenal in the Champions league by himself as he torn the Gunners apart.

Quick, full of trickery and with the ability to pick out killer passes alongside a high level of shooting ability Messi does seem to have it all. But yet it's fair to say despite his excellent recent form he can still be prone to letting himself be marked out of a game (see the Champions Leagues semi final games against Inter) and this that lead to a underwhelming world cup, epically since Maradona's chosen formation doesn't lend itself to Messi's strengths asking him to play deeper down the field.

Still the big players rise to the big occasions and this little man is a big player.

Sunday 23 May 2010

Brazil, Airport, old school Ronaldo. Classic

A classic World Cup advert, full of the joy of the beautiful game.

Thursday 20 May 2010

The Drog

With the World Cup fast approaching lets take a look at some of the players who may prove to be the stars of the tournament. First up it's Didier "The Drog" Drogba.

When Drogba first arrived at Chelsea in July 2004 for a fee of £24m it was fair to say that many asked if he was worth that price. Indeed at first it was hard to see anything special about the man from the Ivory Coast.

But after two solid if not outstanding seasons Drogba's third campaign for Chelsea in the '06/'07 saw him score 33 goals in all competitions and finish two scorer in the league. He'd begun to show what he could do with his combination of pace and power; quick to the ball and almost impossible to force off it once he had under control.

A couple of quieter seasons followed as Drogba felt the loss of Mourinho from the club more the most and fell foul to ongoing injury concerns the season after. However in this last season he has once gain regained form and terrorised opponents with a goal haul of 37 in all with an impressive 29 in the league to once again take the Golden Boot.

Yes, he can be petulant and moody (as demonstrated by on his on pitch tantrums and occasional mad moments like that against Barca) but on his day and on his game he appears to be simply unplayable for opponents, able to simply brute force his way to goal, hit screamers from distance (see those FA cup final efforts this year) or trick his way through.

But crucially he is more than a goal scorer, his ability to hold the ball and bring teammates into play can prove vital in close games. It's telling that if you tell people they can have one out of Drogba, Rooney or Torres in their team I find most people will pick the twice African Footballer of the year.

Ivory Coast have a number of good players but if they are to make real progress it will be Drogba that will be the fulcrum and it's his passion that might well steer them through Group G's 'group of death'.

Where The Wild Things Are



Spike Jonze's take on Maurice Sendak's classic children's book is his first film since 2002's Adaptation and the seven year wait was worth it.

Sendak's book contains very little actual prose and the question was always about how successfully it could be transferred into the feature film format. Well, it's been done well by fleshing out each of the Wild Things a little than in the book as we follow Max on his adventure to meet them.

Undoubtedly some will criticise the lack of firm plotting in the film once Max meets the family of creatures. But this is a film all about how it feels to be a child; the frustration, the excitement, the fun, the confusion. About how it is to deal with emotions from yourself and others that you don't quite yet really understand.

In the respect it's a sensory film and Jonze along with cinematographer Lance Acord bring a lovely dream like quality to the film (the trailer goes you a strong sense of it). Taking full advantage of flickering fires, the glow of dusk and worlds both big and small (Carol's model village is used wonderfully at least a couple of times).

Plus of course the Wild Things themselves are realised brilliantly with a combination of practical effects and digital effects each one is both believable as strange creature and importantly as a person.

Something which helps the audience invest in them along with a strong voice cast; James Gandolfini and Lauren Ambrose in particular stand out as lead creature Carol and KW respectively.

Away from the creatures, Max Records is naturalistic as Max in the main role and the ever excellent Catherine Keener very nearly has the moment of the film as the relief and love come flooding to her face as her boy comes back home.

Suffice to say I loved this film and it fell into the rare category of films that I immediately wanted to watch again as soon as it finished.

And on a side note..working with dogs is hard.

Wednesday 12 May 2010

Trailer Of The Day : Inception

Christopher "I made The Dark Knight" Nolan returns with another hard scratching epic with a rock solid cast in tow; Leo DiCaprio,Joesph Gordon-Levitt, Cillian Murphy, Ellen Page, Ken Watanabe, Marion Cotillard, Micheal Caine.

Looks epic, looks weird. Colour me excited.

Tuesday 11 May 2010

Get Out Of There!!!!

More randomness from the internet...

Capello picks his men*

*well, some of them will be sent home and some of them might well break down first.

Yep, today Fabio named his provisional 30 man party, which will be whittled down to 23 names who will take part in the summer's World Cup. And here there are:

Goalkeepers: Joe Hart (Manchester City), David James (Portsmouth), Robert Green (West Ham).

No real surprises here, expect James to start against the USA with Green as the first choice backup. Hart has had a good, a very good season but his youth works against him on the international stage and one's very much one for the future.

Defenders: Leighton Baines (Everton), Jamie Carragher (Liverpool), Ashley Cole (Chelsea), Michael Dawson (Tottenham), Rio Ferdinand (Manchester United), Glen Johnson (Liverpool), Ledley King (Tottenham), John Terry (Chelsea), Matthew Upson (West Ham), Stephen Warnock (Aston Villa).

The story here is that Carragher has been persuaded to return to play back up right back, which is why he quit this lark in the first place. King was a shoe in after proving his fitness in the last few fixtures of the season and it seems Fabio has been tracking him and talking to the Spurs physios all year. Hopefully Terry will have stopped being an idiot by July (small hope I know) and Rio's back doesn't fall apart like dry Playdo. Still at least Cashley Cole is one of the best in his position out there (as much as I hate to admit it) , the less said about Johnson defensive awareness the better however.

Midfielders: Gareth Barry (Manchester City), Michael Carrick (Manchester United), Joe Cole (Chelsea), Steven Gerrard (Liverpool), Tom Huddlestone (Tottenham), Adam Johnson (Manchester City), Frank Lampard (Chelsea), Aaron Lennon (Tottenham), James Milner (Aston Villa), Scott Parker (West Ham), Theo Walcott (Arsenal), Shaun Wright-Phillips (Manchester City).

Huddlestone's inclusion is a bit of surprise and it seems he's waiting in the wings to take Barry's place if he fails to pass a fitness test at the end of the month. Lennon, Walcott, Johnson and Wright-Phillips mean there is plenty of pace in the side and we might even get some proper 'old fashioned' wing play. If miracles happen Gerrard and Lampard will suddenly, finally, learn how to play well together for a whole match at a time.

Forwards: Darren Bent (Sunderland), Peter Crouch (Tottenham), Jermain Defoe (Tottenham), Emile Heskey (Aston Villa), Wayne Rooney (Manchester United).

So happy to see Bent get a nod to at least join the initial squad. You have to be in good form to score than often for Sunderland. Sadly I fear he may be the one to lose out since Fabio has a strange fixation with Emile "Goal Machine" Heskey.

If the squad stays fit and they can build momentum in the early games then they could fail heroically in the semi-finals, as all English men should. But if I could wish for a dream end to the World Cup it will be for Crouch to score a last minute World Cup final winner and immediately proceed to do the robot watched by about one billion people.

C'mon Crouchy!