It starts off as something of a Enemy Of The State copycat then throws up a ludicrous twist in it's tale but it does so with such a breathless state of fun and excitement that if you go with it you'll have a very enjoyable thriller.
Wednesday, 30 June 2010
Stephen King : The Videogame.
You are creeping through the woods, flashlight in hand frantically scanning the trees for the evil you know is lurking in the dark places beyond the shaft of safe light.
Your attention is caught by a sudden movement off to the side and your heartbeat races but as you turn it's plain to see that it was only a bird spooked as you pass by. As you reach the clearing you recognise the nearby bridge from the page of a manuscript you read only that morning. A manuscript you wrote but don't remember, but now you know what awaits you on the other side. And your blood goes cold.
But you must keep going to save the life of your wife.
This is the world of Alan Wake.
Alan Wake is a Xbox 360 game that has been in development for a number of years. It centers around the fictional thriller novelist as he takes a holiday to recharge his batteries in a small midwestern American town. However once his wife goes missing he'#s plunged into a living nightmare.
More an action adventure game than survival horror the game is an atmospheric little treat as you nervously stalk around in the woods. The key gimmick is the conflict between light and dark. The local townsfolk have been infected by a dark presence and to fend them off you must first burn off the darkness with the light of you torch before being able to finally shoot them down.
It's a simple mechanic that keeps the action of the game fun throughout it's playtime. But what really keeps you playing is the combination of sky high production values and an intriguing story that twists and turns right upto it's Twilight Zone style ending (it's no mistake the in game TVs all show episodes of a Twilight Zone knock off)
With set pieces ranging from a haunted asylum going all Poltergeist to fighting off advancing hordes from a rockband stage the game also has a sly sense of humour about itself. It's not the giant leap forward or masterpiece that the lengthy development time might have suggested but it's solid game and well worth a few hours of your time.
Recommended.
Your attention is caught by a sudden movement off to the side and your heartbeat races but as you turn it's plain to see that it was only a bird spooked as you pass by. As you reach the clearing you recognise the nearby bridge from the page of a manuscript you read only that morning. A manuscript you wrote but don't remember, but now you know what awaits you on the other side. And your blood goes cold.
But you must keep going to save the life of your wife.
This is the world of Alan Wake.
Alan Wake is a Xbox 360 game that has been in development for a number of years. It centers around the fictional thriller novelist as he takes a holiday to recharge his batteries in a small midwestern American town. However once his wife goes missing he'#s plunged into a living nightmare.
More an action adventure game than survival horror the game is an atmospheric little treat as you nervously stalk around in the woods. The key gimmick is the conflict between light and dark. The local townsfolk have been infected by a dark presence and to fend them off you must first burn off the darkness with the light of you torch before being able to finally shoot them down.
It's a simple mechanic that keeps the action of the game fun throughout it's playtime. But what really keeps you playing is the combination of sky high production values and an intriguing story that twists and turns right upto it's Twilight Zone style ending (it's no mistake the in game TVs all show episodes of a Twilight Zone knock off)
With set pieces ranging from a haunted asylum going all Poltergeist to fighting off advancing hordes from a rockband stage the game also has a sly sense of humour about itself. It's not the giant leap forward or masterpiece that the lengthy development time might have suggested but it's solid game and well worth a few hours of your time.
Recommended.
Thursday, 24 June 2010
Taken
Taken is a brisk and entertaining thriller from that slightly murky but oh so fun little corner of the film world that is Luc Besson and friends. Directed by Pierre Morel (a former DP for Besson) it follows the tale of Bryan Mills an ex-government super-agent as he uses all his deadly skills to track down his kidnapped daughter and then brutally kill all those responsible.
Taking place mainly in the underbelly of Paris the film moves bristly between set pieces and grimy locals. Liam Neeson convinces totally as a man who is very dangerous indeed and will not stop at anything until he gets his daughter back. Crucially he also has the chops to convince in the quieter moments (in a way the likes of JCVD never could).
An old school Euro-thriller that they rarely make these days the films is a great little actioner with just enough of that Hollywood sheen scuffed off to make it a bit of something different.
Sunday, 13 June 2010
Like It's A Coincidence Those Teams Have "Left-Wingers"
Having mentioned my interest in American coverage of the World Cup in an earlier comment, I spent a little time hunting for links this afternoon. I don't have a complete picture yet, but thanks to Media Matters, I can at least report one thing: the lunatic Right are apparently determined to outdo themselves.
I mean... it's just... well, goddamn. What can you possibly say about someone convinced that soccer is being forced onto Americans by the Left in order to prepare for when the Hispanics take over? Because it's a sport designed for poor people? Created by chopping the heads off of Caucasians, or something! I had to check Dan Gainor was a real person, and that he represented a real institute. And that I was reading a real website. And English was a real language, that these two could speak.
I have to say, though, I'm in awe of Liddy. It genuinely had never occurred to me that someone might argue liking football was a betrayal of American Exceptionalism. Remember, kids! Watching soccer isn't just pointless; it makes you a traitor!
Really, it's quite a trick. It's like Aesop's fable about the fox and the grapes, only in this case the fox is claiming he doesn't want the grapes anymore because he's recently learned they were planted by brown-skinned Communists in an attempt to poison Sarah Palin.
Friday, 11 June 2010
The rest of them
Ok took a little longer than planned but here we go with the rest of the squads at the party
Group E
Holland - the Dutch have a great chance with a strong squad this year if they can avoid their usual trap of fighting and squabbling with each other. The ol man Arjen Robben (ok he's like 25 but looks about 50) has been on flying form and if he can get fit will play a big part. Likewise Robin van Persie should be coming back fresh having missed so much of the season at Arsenal and Wesley Sneijder has been running the show at Inter. Expect them to stick to the pattern tho', amazing in their group games and looking like surefire champs followed by limp elimination in the second round.
Denmark the Danish will look to the second round as the target goal and should be in good shape to get there. But expect goal scoring to be the weak point with the hardly inspiring Bendtner leading the line.
Japan bound for noble failure the Japanese side will be full of running but a lack of experience against more worldly opponents will be their downfall. A good J-pop track or two is probably the best that could be expected of them. Nice shirt though.
Cameroon the 'Indomitable Lions' are somewhat like an international Bolton side. Big, strong but not very pretty or too concerned with making the play look nice. The have a shot at the second round as they will no doubt manage to out muscle the Japanese and then it's down to their game against Denmark as to who goes on most likely.
Group F
Italy the current world champions do no look like a side capable of holding onto their crown. They do not have really any players who are likely to really be able to turn a game and warhorses like Gattuso are starting to run out of time and energy at this level. But once again we can marvel at how efficiently and expertly an Italian side can break up the flow of a game it's doing well in to stifle the opponent and you never know we might once again get a display of expert sledging even without Marco playing.
Paraguay confess I don't recognise a single name on their teamsheet apart from Roque Santa Cruz who has spent the last year at Man City polishing the seats on the bench with his backside. So really no idea what they'll be like, but that's half the fun of the whole thing
New Zealand again not much I can tell you beyond they will be happy to take part and will quite probably go home without a point.
Slovkia complete the group of question marks on teams I don't know much about (& Italy), word on the wind appears to favour them for a least a 2nd round berth.
Group G
Brazil are first up in this year's "Group Of Death" and will obviously be one of the favourites of the competition as they always are. These days they play with slightly less flair under Dunga and a bit more pragmatism. Still it seems Robinho has decided to be interested now he's out of Manchester, Maicon is as good a full back as you'll see and Kaka could you fulfil his early promise. No-one will want to meet them in the knock out stages.
North Korea Poor north Korea in the worst possible group they could have drawn. They are just going to be bulldozed by the others.
Ivory Coast hope beyond hope that Drogba is fit as he is the main man without question but they may not be stuck without as they do have a strong looking side with the Toure brothers and Chelsea's Kalou in the mix. Plus an old schemer in the form Sven in the coach's seat. I actually expect them to progress into the second round ahead of Portugal
Portugal When you play Portugal you'll either be beaten by Christiano Ronaldo or you won't be beaten. Yes, the Portuguese have the honour of being the team most reliant on one man to get anywhere this summer. Look beyond him and it's a side of uninspiring faces and an ageing Deco. Can the smug one carry the side to glory? Personally I don't think so.
Group H
Spain should be champions. The current European Champions won that prize at a canter. Blessed with a midfield stuffed full of world class players (the frankly brilliant Fabregas isn't good enough to get a game here) and a pair of strikers who just deadly in Torres and Villa. The only suspect aspect to the side is their defence but since opponents are unlikely to actually get a touch of the ball it doesn't really seem important.
Switzerland the Swiss are another solid but really that exciting team who will hope that good organisation and patient play will seen them get results against the South Americans in the group for progress into the knock out stages.
Honduras /Chile - I'll do these two together since it's once more teams I know nothing about and so couldn't really tell you anything about them. So there's at least one game in the group that will be a complete mystery!
So there you go that rounds up the rest of the sides taking part.
Group E
Holland - the Dutch have a great chance with a strong squad this year if they can avoid their usual trap of fighting and squabbling with each other. The ol man Arjen Robben (ok he's like 25 but looks about 50) has been on flying form and if he can get fit will play a big part. Likewise Robin van Persie should be coming back fresh having missed so much of the season at Arsenal and Wesley Sneijder has been running the show at Inter. Expect them to stick to the pattern tho', amazing in their group games and looking like surefire champs followed by limp elimination in the second round.
Denmark the Danish will look to the second round as the target goal and should be in good shape to get there. But expect goal scoring to be the weak point with the hardly inspiring Bendtner leading the line.
Japan bound for noble failure the Japanese side will be full of running but a lack of experience against more worldly opponents will be their downfall. A good J-pop track or two is probably the best that could be expected of them. Nice shirt though.
Cameroon the 'Indomitable Lions' are somewhat like an international Bolton side. Big, strong but not very pretty or too concerned with making the play look nice. The have a shot at the second round as they will no doubt manage to out muscle the Japanese and then it's down to their game against Denmark as to who goes on most likely.
Group F
Italy the current world champions do no look like a side capable of holding onto their crown. They do not have really any players who are likely to really be able to turn a game and warhorses like Gattuso are starting to run out of time and energy at this level. But once again we can marvel at how efficiently and expertly an Italian side can break up the flow of a game it's doing well in to stifle the opponent and you never know we might once again get a display of expert sledging even without Marco playing.
Paraguay confess I don't recognise a single name on their teamsheet apart from Roque Santa Cruz who has spent the last year at Man City polishing the seats on the bench with his backside. So really no idea what they'll be like, but that's half the fun of the whole thing
New Zealand again not much I can tell you beyond they will be happy to take part and will quite probably go home without a point.
Slovkia complete the group of question marks on teams I don't know much about (& Italy), word on the wind appears to favour them for a least a 2nd round berth.
Group G
Brazil are first up in this year's "Group Of Death" and will obviously be one of the favourites of the competition as they always are. These days they play with slightly less flair under Dunga and a bit more pragmatism. Still it seems Robinho has decided to be interested now he's out of Manchester, Maicon is as good a full back as you'll see and Kaka could you fulfil his early promise. No-one will want to meet them in the knock out stages.
North Korea Poor north Korea in the worst possible group they could have drawn. They are just going to be bulldozed by the others.
Ivory Coast hope beyond hope that Drogba is fit as he is the main man without question but they may not be stuck without as they do have a strong looking side with the Toure brothers and Chelsea's Kalou in the mix. Plus an old schemer in the form Sven in the coach's seat. I actually expect them to progress into the second round ahead of Portugal
Portugal When you play Portugal you'll either be beaten by Christiano Ronaldo or you won't be beaten. Yes, the Portuguese have the honour of being the team most reliant on one man to get anywhere this summer. Look beyond him and it's a side of uninspiring faces and an ageing Deco. Can the smug one carry the side to glory? Personally I don't think so.
Group H
Spain should be champions. The current European Champions won that prize at a canter. Blessed with a midfield stuffed full of world class players (the frankly brilliant Fabregas isn't good enough to get a game here) and a pair of strikers who just deadly in Torres and Villa. The only suspect aspect to the side is their defence but since opponents are unlikely to actually get a touch of the ball it doesn't really seem important.
Switzerland the Swiss are another solid but really that exciting team who will hope that good organisation and patient play will seen them get results against the South Americans in the group for progress into the knock out stages.
Honduras /Chile - I'll do these two together since it's once more teams I know nothing about and so couldn't really tell you anything about them. So there's at least one game in the group that will be a complete mystery!
So there you go that rounds up the rest of the sides taking part.
Tuesday, 8 June 2010
World Cup Blaggers guide; Them other teams
Well I guess we better say a little about the other 31 nations taking part in this here festival of football. I think for ease of me remembering who is there we'll take it group by group.
Group A
South Africa - the hosts will be full of enthusiasm but weary of being the first host nation to fail to reach the knock stages in what should be a tightly contested group. Everton's Steven Pienaar is their most recognisable and probable best player. Expect lots of vaguely condescending commentary on their efforts and a lot of noise from the local fans. In with a good shout of making the top two.
Mexico - perennial turnouts Mexico typically turn up look disappointing and then go home. Their best player in this country is Carlos Vela who currently can't get a game for Arsenal ahead of Nicholas Bendtner (who is rubbish.) Will quickly fade away and hopefully be remembered for at least embarrassing the French
Uruguay - amusing names aside a team with a few useful players, notable Diego Forlan who used to look terrible upon terrible playing in this country but has since gone to remember he's actually a goal machine. Will via for progress with South African and France.
France - first all remember the French are only here because they cheated the Irish out of it. Then remember coach Raymond Domench picks his teams using astrology, and this is quite possibly why they have been terrible for the last two years or so. With luck they'll crash out in the groups, with more luck they'll go out later but in a blaze of flying headbutts as they seek to relive 2006's "glory". Ah, poor old ZZ.
Group B
Argentina - coached by the crazy, wild eyed national icon that is Maradona Argentina have a lot of very good players. The trouble is half of them aren't going because they haven't been picked. Lionel Messi is currently in brilliant form and is quite possibly the best player in the world at the moment. Expect him to have the holy crap kicked out of him at every opportunity by the opponents. Carlos Tevez is also quite popular in parts of Manchester and is the closet you'll see to an excited dog chasing the ball around on the pitch this summer.
Nigeria - one of the strongest African teams if rather uninspiring, some recognisable faces in there but will feel a bit like the newly promoted championship side trying to find it's Premiership way - i.e one or two surprising results but ultimately going home rather deflated.
Korea Republic - plucky underdogs who will do well to get a point away from home turf, but will undoubtedly do a lot better than their neighbours with whom they get on so well.
Greece - industrious but presumably all being paid with 'I.O.U's. Another dull but effective team making group B the least attractive of all groups to watch. May squeeze through to the next round but I wouldn't expect much more than that.
Group C
England - these guys we know about.
USA - ever improving but not as good as FIFA's confused ranking system makes them look. Clint Dempsey and Landon Donovan will be the danger men and are indeed useful players, the rest however are decent but nothing special. Remember to mock the popularity of 'soccer' in the States and just look at the needlessly 'trendy' team shield to comprehend the tackiness of American culture. Should finish 2ND to England in this group though. If fate has a sense of humour they'll somehow end up playing North Korea.
Algeria are just happy to be involved and will take anything they can get. Their best player has been playing for the terminally doomed Portsmouth this year, which currently says it all and even in that bunch Hassan Yebda looked a bit rubbish .
Slovenia - another side happy to at the party and I'll admit I don't know anything about of them. Expect them to go home early though and perhaps for some of them to get signed by the likes of Bolton and West Brom for next season.
Group D
Germany - the Germans always do well at these things, so expect an efficient second round place at the least (where they could meet England), penalty scoring prowess and team made of Swiss and Polish born players. Important central figure and captain Micheal Ballack has been ruled out by injury but Phillip Lahm and Bastian Schweinstegier are a pair of excellent players. But a crucial lack of firepower should them eliminated before the semi finals.
Australia - team Kangaroo will hope to make the 2nd round and do stand a half decent chance although the team is aging and reliant on Harry Kewell being fit and probably also Mark Schwarzer making a lot of saves. Will be the most friendly bunch of guys out there but football is one sport at which the cork hats aren't that good. Also may be distracted by watching cricket instead of training.
Serbia - another team about which I'll admit I know little but the buzz and word of mouth suggests they are a fairly good outfit and will be expecting to progress past the group stages and that's really all I can say about 'em.
Ghana - a good group of players (including John Mensah who impressed me very much playing for Sunderland this year but don't know how much that says) but with possibly a bit of shortfall in terms of the goal scoring department. Hard to say if they'll make the next round in a tight group but playing in Africa will see them receive great support which might be the tell tale factor.
Right that's halfway for now, I'll do and update with the rest of the groups tomorrow.
Group A
South Africa - the hosts will be full of enthusiasm but weary of being the first host nation to fail to reach the knock stages in what should be a tightly contested group. Everton's Steven Pienaar is their most recognisable and probable best player. Expect lots of vaguely condescending commentary on their efforts and a lot of noise from the local fans. In with a good shout of making the top two.
Mexico - perennial turnouts Mexico typically turn up look disappointing and then go home. Their best player in this country is Carlos Vela who currently can't get a game for Arsenal ahead of Nicholas Bendtner (who is rubbish.) Will quickly fade away and hopefully be remembered for at least embarrassing the French
Uruguay - amusing names aside a team with a few useful players, notable Diego Forlan who used to look terrible upon terrible playing in this country but has since gone to remember he's actually a goal machine. Will via for progress with South African and France.
France - first all remember the French are only here because they cheated the Irish out of it. Then remember coach Raymond Domench picks his teams using astrology, and this is quite possibly why they have been terrible for the last two years or so. With luck they'll crash out in the groups, with more luck they'll go out later but in a blaze of flying headbutts as they seek to relive 2006's "glory". Ah, poor old ZZ.
Group B
Argentina - coached by the crazy, wild eyed national icon that is Maradona Argentina have a lot of very good players. The trouble is half of them aren't going because they haven't been picked. Lionel Messi is currently in brilliant form and is quite possibly the best player in the world at the moment. Expect him to have the holy crap kicked out of him at every opportunity by the opponents. Carlos Tevez is also quite popular in parts of Manchester and is the closet you'll see to an excited dog chasing the ball around on the pitch this summer.
Nigeria - one of the strongest African teams if rather uninspiring, some recognisable faces in there but will feel a bit like the newly promoted championship side trying to find it's Premiership way - i.e one or two surprising results but ultimately going home rather deflated.
Korea Republic - plucky underdogs who will do well to get a point away from home turf, but will undoubtedly do a lot better than their neighbours with whom they get on so well.
Greece - industrious but presumably all being paid with 'I.O.U's. Another dull but effective team making group B the least attractive of all groups to watch. May squeeze through to the next round but I wouldn't expect much more than that.
Group C
England - these guys we know about.
USA - ever improving but not as good as FIFA's confused ranking system makes them look. Clint Dempsey and Landon Donovan will be the danger men and are indeed useful players, the rest however are decent but nothing special. Remember to mock the popularity of 'soccer' in the States and just look at the needlessly 'trendy' team shield to comprehend the tackiness of American culture. Should finish 2ND to England in this group though. If fate has a sense of humour they'll somehow end up playing North Korea.
Algeria are just happy to be involved and will take anything they can get. Their best player has been playing for the terminally doomed Portsmouth this year, which currently says it all and even in that bunch Hassan Yebda looked a bit rubbish .
Slovenia - another side happy to at the party and I'll admit I don't know anything about of them. Expect them to go home early though and perhaps for some of them to get signed by the likes of Bolton and West Brom for next season.
Group D
Germany - the Germans always do well at these things, so expect an efficient second round place at the least (where they could meet England), penalty scoring prowess and team made of Swiss and Polish born players. Important central figure and captain Micheal Ballack has been ruled out by injury but Phillip Lahm and Bastian Schweinstegier are a pair of excellent players. But a crucial lack of firepower should them eliminated before the semi finals.
Australia - team Kangaroo will hope to make the 2nd round and do stand a half decent chance although the team is aging and reliant on Harry Kewell being fit and probably also Mark Schwarzer making a lot of saves. Will be the most friendly bunch of guys out there but football is one sport at which the cork hats aren't that good. Also may be distracted by watching cricket instead of training.
Serbia - another team about which I'll admit I know little but the buzz and word of mouth suggests they are a fairly good outfit and will be expecting to progress past the group stages and that's really all I can say about 'em.
Ghana - a good group of players (including John Mensah who impressed me very much playing for Sunderland this year but don't know how much that says) but with possibly a bit of shortfall in terms of the goal scoring department. Hard to say if they'll make the next round in a tight group but playing in Africa will see them receive great support which might be the tell tale factor.
Right that's halfway for now, I'll do and update with the rest of the groups tomorrow.
Sunday, 6 June 2010
You wouldn't think it could be done..
But someone has managed to combine Star Wars, Daft Punk, Snoop Dogg, David Beckham, Noel Gallagher and football into one video. Awesome. (Even's with Beckham's shoddy acting)
Thursday, 3 June 2010
World Cup; The real basics
So as requested a quick run down of the brass tacks you need when watching football, with a look at the positions, formations and a quick jargon guide.
The Positions.
Perhaps the biggest area of jargon in the game is the description of where a player, well plays on the field. So lets go through a quick run down;
Goalkeeper (GK) - Pretty obvious this one, the chap that wears gloves and guards the goal. Allowed to handle the ball within the Penalty area (often referred to as the area) except when it's returned to him in a controlled manner by a teammate (though he can still handle the ball if said pass back was a header..still with us?)
A vital member of the team who can effectively win or lose a game single handed depending on his performance. Most squads will take three 'keepers to protect against injury and suspension apart from the sneaky North Koreans.
Center Back (CB) - Basically the heart of defense, a position in the center of the team's defensive line up . Commonly there will be two of these playing at a time in most sides but certain formations can feature three. These guys will be big, strong and not adverse to being a little rough (see the Italians for a masterclass in fouling the hell out of the opponent and getting away with it). Their main priority is to act as a wall against opponents but will occasionally stray upfield to add height to attacking set pieces.
Sweeper (SW) - A position you don't see that often but basically it is that same as the center back in terms of responsibility but set out to play just behind a pair of center backs. I.e he is there to sweep up if those in front of him make a mess of it.
Full back/Wing back (FB/WB)- These guys operate on the sides of the defense and will be looking to prevent opponents from putting it crosses or cutting in from the flanks. A full back will play most of the game as a defender, a wing back is essentially the same position but advanced a little further up the field. Players here are likely to be quick on their feet and good tacklers, not as bullish as the Center backs.
Midfied (MF)- The midfield is the group of players between the defensive line and the attacking line and features a number of variations. For example you can have a 'holding midfielder' whose main responsibility is too help out the defensive by playing just in front of them and making life hard for opponents, winning the ball and playing it simply to the more creative players on his side. Likewise an 'attacking midfielder' will play just behind his team's forwards and look to help them out by either helping to create space or making runs into the opponents penalty area.
Winger (W) - Part of the midfield and but these days you don't see too many out and out 'wingers' (for example David Beckham played most of his career on the right of midfield but would not be described as a winger). A winger plays on either the right or left of the field, he will look to remain close to the touchline on his side and as an attacking player his job is to try and get to the byline (the far end of the pitch) to put in a cross or create a chance at goal.
Center Forward (CF) - A center forward plays at the attacking front end of a team. Looking to score goals primarily but also there to hold up the ball and bring teammates into the play. Likely to be quite a physical presence, Rooney will be seen as one of these.
Striker (ST) - Plays in the same area of the field as the Center Forward with pretty much the same job but doing it in a slightly different way. A striker is looking to score goals first and foremost. He will play off a partner center forward but will look to shot at goal far more than he will look to play in a team mate. Strikers tend to be quick and sharp on the turn and are as happy scoring off their backsides right on the goalline as they are burying twenty yard pile drivers into the top corner.
So that's the basic set of positions of the football field, you will of course get variations but everything is pretty much a derivation of one of the above.
Formations
Now I was going to write all about formations but when looking for visual representations (the 'ol chalk boards) I found a site that goes through the basics of the most common ones so I'll link to that instead. 4-4-2 and the like.
Jargon.
Ok now a quick look at some of the common bits and pieces of jargon and phrases you'll hear.
"Set piece" - an attacking play from a dead ball situation, ie. a corner or a free kick. Teams will commonly work on their set piece play both in terms of defense and attack.
"Goals" - what some commentators call the goal when referring, because they are idiots. EG; "That one came close to the goals"
"Injury time" - the time added on at the end of a half for stoppages during play. Deciding by the ref and relayed by the fourth official on the touchline. Managers will frequently argue about how long is played and why. Typically about three or four minutes unless there's been a massive punch up or something.
"In the hole" - A phrase used to describe a position of play, it refers to a midfield player that plays behind a forward player in advance of the rest of the midfield. He is playing 'in the hole' between attack and midfield, defenses often struggle against people playing here for some reason.
"Man marking"/"Zonal marking" - the two types of defending at set plays. In man marking each defending player is assigned to defend against a specific opponent in a zonal system the defenders will look to defend an area (such as the six yard box)
"Push up" - this is when the defensive line of a team is looking to play as high up the picth as it can, increasing the chances of an opponent being offside.
"Long ball" - basically to pump the ball up and over the top of the midfield. None of this fancy dan passing it around nonsense. Boot it upfield and chase it.
"cross" - To plat the ball across the field into or through the opposition penalty area
"Byline" - The line marking the end of the pitch at the far ends.
"Touch line" - The line marking the sides of the pitch.
Well I hope that helps and next up it will be a look at all those crazy foreigners who also taking part. Any questions on the above or any other jargon just ask!
The Positions.
Perhaps the biggest area of jargon in the game is the description of where a player, well plays on the field. So lets go through a quick run down;
Goalkeeper (GK) - Pretty obvious this one, the chap that wears gloves and guards the goal. Allowed to handle the ball within the Penalty area (often referred to as the area) except when it's returned to him in a controlled manner by a teammate (though he can still handle the ball if said pass back was a header..still with us?)
A vital member of the team who can effectively win or lose a game single handed depending on his performance. Most squads will take three 'keepers to protect against injury and suspension apart from the sneaky North Koreans.
Center Back (CB) - Basically the heart of defense, a position in the center of the team's defensive line up . Commonly there will be two of these playing at a time in most sides but certain formations can feature three. These guys will be big, strong and not adverse to being a little rough (see the Italians for a masterclass in fouling the hell out of the opponent and getting away with it). Their main priority is to act as a wall against opponents but will occasionally stray upfield to add height to attacking set pieces.
Sweeper (SW) - A position you don't see that often but basically it is that same as the center back in terms of responsibility but set out to play just behind a pair of center backs. I.e he is there to sweep up if those in front of him make a mess of it.
Full back/Wing back (FB/WB)- These guys operate on the sides of the defense and will be looking to prevent opponents from putting it crosses or cutting in from the flanks. A full back will play most of the game as a defender, a wing back is essentially the same position but advanced a little further up the field. Players here are likely to be quick on their feet and good tacklers, not as bullish as the Center backs.
Midfied (MF)- The midfield is the group of players between the defensive line and the attacking line and features a number of variations. For example you can have a 'holding midfielder' whose main responsibility is too help out the defensive by playing just in front of them and making life hard for opponents, winning the ball and playing it simply to the more creative players on his side. Likewise an 'attacking midfielder' will play just behind his team's forwards and look to help them out by either helping to create space or making runs into the opponents penalty area.
Winger (W) - Part of the midfield and but these days you don't see too many out and out 'wingers' (for example David Beckham played most of his career on the right of midfield but would not be described as a winger). A winger plays on either the right or left of the field, he will look to remain close to the touchline on his side and as an attacking player his job is to try and get to the byline (the far end of the pitch) to put in a cross or create a chance at goal.
Center Forward (CF) - A center forward plays at the attacking front end of a team. Looking to score goals primarily but also there to hold up the ball and bring teammates into the play. Likely to be quite a physical presence, Rooney will be seen as one of these.
Striker (ST) - Plays in the same area of the field as the Center Forward with pretty much the same job but doing it in a slightly different way. A striker is looking to score goals first and foremost. He will play off a partner center forward but will look to shot at goal far more than he will look to play in a team mate. Strikers tend to be quick and sharp on the turn and are as happy scoring off their backsides right on the goalline as they are burying twenty yard pile drivers into the top corner.
So that's the basic set of positions of the football field, you will of course get variations but everything is pretty much a derivation of one of the above.
Formations
Now I was going to write all about formations but when looking for visual representations (the 'ol chalk boards) I found a site that goes through the basics of the most common ones so I'll link to that instead. 4-4-2 and the like.
Jargon.
Ok now a quick look at some of the common bits and pieces of jargon and phrases you'll hear.
"Set piece" - an attacking play from a dead ball situation, ie. a corner or a free kick. Teams will commonly work on their set piece play both in terms of defense and attack.
"Goals" - what some commentators call the goal when referring, because they are idiots. EG; "That one came close to the goals"
"Injury time" - the time added on at the end of a half for stoppages during play. Deciding by the ref and relayed by the fourth official on the touchline. Managers will frequently argue about how long is played and why. Typically about three or four minutes unless there's been a massive punch up or something.
"In the hole" - A phrase used to describe a position of play, it refers to a midfield player that plays behind a forward player in advance of the rest of the midfield. He is playing 'in the hole' between attack and midfield, defenses often struggle against people playing here for some reason.
"Man marking"/"Zonal marking" - the two types of defending at set plays. In man marking each defending player is assigned to defend against a specific opponent in a zonal system the defenders will look to defend an area (such as the six yard box)
"Push up" - this is when the defensive line of a team is looking to play as high up the picth as it can, increasing the chances of an opponent being offside.
"Long ball" - basically to pump the ball up and over the top of the midfield. None of this fancy dan passing it around nonsense. Boot it upfield and chase it.
"cross" - To plat the ball across the field into or through the opposition penalty area
"Byline" - The line marking the end of the pitch at the far ends.
"Touch line" - The line marking the sides of the pitch.
Well I hope that helps and next up it will be a look at all those crazy foreigners who also taking part. Any questions on the above or any other jargon just ask!
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