Wednesday 28 October 2009

Horror, it's mostly a bit rubbish isn't it?

Ok I know at the start of this I said I didn't like most horror and have then talked about the ones I do think are worth looking at, so I think it's time to take a quick look at why I don't really go for horror films as a general rule.

1. Predicitability
This is one of the key things, the vast majoirty of horror films I find very predictable. I think once you know the 'beats' of the genre it's fairly easy to tell when and where each 'scare' is going to occur. So those jump scares just pass on by, the shock reveal of the killer more often than not cruises on past without a care.
Far more than other films a horror film looks to keep it's audience off balance and on the edge of the seat so when they become so familiar half the film is already blown and then you're left with trying to find something to appreciate in the story or charactisation..and then you're really struggling.

The better entries can either subvert the typical pattern of the genre or use it to their advantage, for example Scream plays and subverts (gently)the norms of the genre but I find most (in particualr modern) horror films simply move from scare A to scare B to scare C.

2. They have nothing to say
That is to say the in most horror films once you look past the 'thrill' or the chasing and the killing or the fun of the spooking there is nothing else going on. No bigger themes to be developed or discussed just a group of teen and twenty somethings standing around waiting for the plot to happen.
Again it's the few that do have something else to them that are the better examples, like 'The Orphanage' with a focus on grief and isolation opening up the film to much more that just the spooky boy in the corner, it puts some meat on the bones so to say and it's the reason I really like 'The Orphanage' despite seeing where it was going to end about halfway through. On the flip side you'll struggle to find anything approaching a theme in the likes of 'Prom Night' Well, despite the curiours puritanical downer on sexual intercourse that the slasher genre appears to have adopted for some reason.
In other worlds they seem to be empty headed and if I'm going to watch something empty headed I'd rather watch a big dumb 'ol action film rather than something focusing on the suffering of people.

3. I have no interest in gore.
I really don't care how realistic wounding can be made look or how over the top it can be made to look. Show me a giant transformering robot as an effect, cool! Show me an oozing chest wound, meh. Can we move on to something intersting now?
And these days the focus seems to be increasingly on the gore with the likes of Saw and Hostel et al and I simply don't find that remotely intersting. Thank god for the reaction in the forms of more thoughful fare like The Others.

4. Franchise, franchise franchise
In no other genre are series milking quite so aggresivily, just look at the Halloween, Friday the 13th and Saw franchises to see it. Then wonder how these things go for so long once the law of dimishing returns really starts to bite and the cycles of stalk, slash and trap get repeated ad infintum, the same films essentially rehashed each time.

5. I don't enjoy watching people suffer.
Which is something that doesn't really need much explanation beyond the fact I will watch films where things are grim for people (like 21 Grams or Revolutionay Road) but these are films which are about so much more. I'm not saying all horror is specifically about suffering but it does form a large part of a lot of the genre and when combined with the genre's typical lack of deeper themes it just leaves you with a strange kind of voyerism which I don't enjoy.

So there you go, a brief look at why I don't enjoy or horror and why I think most of it is, well, rubbish. I do like the Scream series (well the first two at least) as they play with and reference cinematic conventions amusingly, the Final Destination films I've already covered and I've mentioned The Orphanage and The Others but beyond I don't think I own anything else you'd call an outright horror film (and already consider Final Destination as dark comedy).

Monday 26 October 2009

Horror trailer of the day : Martyrs

More French terror with a strong reputation

Horror on film the readers digest version

Presenting a cool little website with amongst other things a potted history of the horror film. From The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari (1919) to The Descent (2005) and a rundown of some of cinema's scariest and most disturbing scenes which takes in a varied selection from the likes of Scream, Saw and Halloween to Great Expectations and (the brutal reality of) the likes of American History X and Irreversible.


Certainly worth a look

Sunday 25 October 2009

Horror trailer of the day : Trick r Treat

A horror portmanteau that's picked up decent reviews

I have been watching ; X-Men Origins : Wolverine

So the first of this summer's blockbusters makes it to DVD and we have a solid entry in the comic book cannon but not a spectacular one.

Following the pre-X-men days of James "Wolverine" Logan we see how he comes to have a indestructible skeleton and how (rather implausibly) he loses his memory. In the central role Hugh Jackman is as relibale as even as Logan (the charming bad bad to the last) and Liev Shreiber is good value as his violent brother.

Sadly the film's best turn is wasted with Ryan Reyonlds' Deadpool basically only appearing for something that amounts to little more than a cameo, it does bode well for the forthcoming Deadpool film though.

Dominic Monaghan's Bolt is also a little wasted, he brings a real sense of remorse and pathos to his character but like Reyonlds is barley used.

The films other great weakness is when you realise that Stryker decides to make Logan unkillable before acting to wipe his mind and make him controllable, surely you'd do that the other way round!

Anyway it's a decent enough comic book actioner and it probably a little better than X-Men 3 overall.

Friday 23 October 2009

They are the greatest

A couple of years ago Total Film published a magazine containing the results of a poll to find the hundred greatest movie characters and having recently discovered the magazine again I thought it was worth taking a quick look at the top twenty.

20. Clarice Starling
Lecter may be the showier part but Foster's Agent Starling is the heart and soul of Silence Of The Lambs as we follow her into both her world and Lecter's. The fact that Clarice's recounting of her childhood terror is the most gripping and tense part of the film says it all. Julianne Moore also took on the character in the disappointing follow-up but it's Foster's take that has taken root in the public consciousness

19. Norman Bates
The psycho from Psycho is one of cinema's greatest boogie men, the unassuming caretaker of a motel that hides a terrible and twisted hidden side. Responsible for one of the most iconic murders in cinema history.

18. John McClane
Bruce Willis' blue collar wisecracking action man exploded (almost literally) onto the scene with Die Hard and in one film rewrote both Willis' career (he was know for hit comedic touch in hit series Moonlighting)and the template for our action heroes. The unstoppable Goliaths of Arnie had their days numbered as soon as this flawed cop hit the scene with his sarcastic wit and crucially lacking that aura of invincibility as he gets battered and beaten on his way to saving the day

17. Shrek
The big ogre of Dreamworks series owes a lot to Micheal Myers easy charm (even when doing a dodgy Scotch accent)and some smart writing but I am surprised to see him hit the top ten. Shrek was a classic but the two follow ups are more uneven and scattershot and the once clever inverting of fairy tales is wearing thin.

16. Bridget Jones
It has to be said before anything else, Reene Zellweger absolutely nailed this role. All the concern of casting a Texan in the part dissipated as soon as people saw it, Bridget becomes one of the most believable characters in a rom-com; full of uncertainties and floundering dreams as she's caught between the good guy and the bad guy. Helen Fielding deserves a lot of credit for creating Bridget too writing screenplay as well as the original blockbuster book

15. Yoda
The little green one smashes into the top twenty with his broken syntax, mastery of the force and diddy little lightsaber. Brought to life by Frank Oz (and latterly a team of CGI artists too!) Yoda is the wise mentor of the star wars world and is one of the reasons why you should watch the original trilogy first or totally ruin his first appearance. Proof that you can be a green midget and still be cool

14. Jason Bourne
Interesting that a character who starts out almost a total blank slate should make in into the top twenty of the list. But it's Bourne's confusion and quest to find out what happened to him that draws the audience to him. He's far more a real superspy than Bond, we actually feel the pain in him as he sets out to avenge his girlfriend in the second film and the rage at those that have shaped his life. The question is now he know who and why he is, where does o from here?

13. Tyler Durden
Brad Pitt's greatest role without doubt as he uses his own image to subvert and twist what is expected to him. Tyler is the embodiment of the rage of a lost generation of men, desperate to feel a sense of purpose and to fight against the numbing effect of modern life. The greatest character that was never real or just another piece of the all singing, all dancing crap of the world?

12. Maximus
Russel Crowe's avenging roman gladiator works so well thanks to the actor himself and not only for the performance. It was Crowe who suggested deepening the friendship between him and Djimon Hounsou's character, and Maximus' remembrance of his home is Crowe recalling his own ranch back home. It was also Crowe's insistence that Maximus meet his final end to prevent the diluting of the man in unneeded sequels.

11. Batman
Another surprising one since more often than not Batman is the dullest person around in his own movies. (No doubt Heath Ledger's Joker would outstrip if this was done again). Don't get me wrong I like Batman as a character but it is true that (at least in the films) he is there to react to everyone else, in fact in Batman Returns he doesn't say anything until at least the forty minute mark. Given the choice I would take Keaton's Batman over the others since I felt he got the balance right and gave the impression Wayne was a deeply troubled man, Bale's just seems to be really angry.

10. Hannibal Lecter
Of the screen best loved boogie men, Lecter is charming, intelligent, creepy and deadly. Hopkins is brill ant in the role (at it is his turn in Silence of the Lambs for which the character is remembered) and holds audience attention unfailingly even though he barely moves - making the sudden bursts of violence all the more shocking. Sadly watered down by the subsequent entries into the series Lecter is best as the unknowable, unfathomable force of evil seen in Lambs.

09. Han Solo
The definition of the lovable rogue. He quips, he gets the girl and he saves the day more than once. It says something that kids mostly want to play Han Solo and it's the unlucky kid that has to be Luke. Harrison Ford just oozes charm throughout the series and it may be a big 'ol space opera but there are definite sparks there with Carrie Fisher. And he shot first too

08. Micheal Corleone
The studio never wanted Al Pacino as Micheal but it's now impossible to imagine anyone else in the role. Pacino expertly moves Micheal from the good man trying to do right by his family to the overbearing monster he slowly becomes over the years. He is the classic anti hero as we emphasise with as he tries to protect his family but feel our blood run cold as he casually orders the killing of his own brother. If there was even a text book place to look for the concept of power corrupting, it's Micheal in The Godfather series.

07. Ellen Ripley
From tough survivor to warrior matriarch Ripley is the best known female action hero. Leaving the endless gender politics aside Ripley is a strong, capable woman with a softer side and willing to go the extra mile to save who she can. If anything Ripley becomes more interesting in Alien 3 as she finds herself once more alone and amongst monsters of various types until she finally makes the ultimate sacrifice. Best just forget Ripley MKII in Resurrection

06. Travis Bickle
The Vietnam vet awash in the modern world struggling to connect to other people and to keep the brewing rage within under control. One of cinema's best portraits of a man going through a mental breakdown Bickle is quite possible De Niro's best role (Raging Bull's Jake La Motta is right up there too) pulling his into Travis' fractured psyche and the question of is we should really be supporting this man makes all the more compelling

05. Gollum
Yes, he was an outstanding digital creation and the back and forth mechanic of his split personality is well done but I'm not sure he's the fifth best character ever. After he's only really there to move the plot along a critical points when no-one else can. For all their length the Rings movies are actually a little light on characterisation and for my money Boromir is the most interesting of them all but is sadly quickly gone

04. Indiana Jones
Han Solo returns with a whip! And a little more comedy. Indiana is the 40 matinee idol effortless updated for a new generation by messers Spieldberg, Lucas and Ford. No question of Jones' placing here, he truly is an iconic character

03. James Bond

Recently reinvented to be Bourne Mk II, Bond is the longest running character on the list, practically a national institution. Connery's remains best in my book, Dalton's was underrated, Lazenby's has the best film and Craig's is a great Bond still looking for a great film to be in.

02. Darth Vader
Even with the missteps of the prequels Vader remains a great villain (and is arc is a tragic one albeit one not told in the best way) and his first entrance surrounded by white corridors and white clad stormtroopers is something that burns itself into the mind. Lucas may struggle with the writing but he always knew what he was doing with the look of things. And of course Vader's big secret is one of the best known twists is cinema history and makes him something more than just a boogie man.

01. Captain Jack Sparrow
Hmm. Okay, I liked Jack in the first Pirates movie when he was there to offer comedy relief and prompt the plot along in a couple of places but I still feel the subsequent entries suffered from making him front and center. When you think about Jack is actually a complete jerk who is out to save his own skin whatever the cost and it baffles me why the crew head off to save him after he's just been a tool to pretty much everyone of them.
Depp's twitchy performance is an amusing one but it is a superficial collection of ticks and tricks at the end of the day, I think we'll mark this one down to being the thing of the day when the poll was taken.

So there we are the top twenty, unfortunately I can't find a link for the whole list (but if people pester enough I can type it up) but just a few names to mention;

Charles Foster Kane somehow doesn't make the top fifty coming home at 53, Donnie Darko missed the top twenty by a place, The Dude made it to 27, Rocky fights his way to 31 and I can't believe Holly Golightly only made it to 99.

And it turns out the 70's were the greatest with 25 characters on the list, the most of any decade.

So who do you think deserves to be on the list or in the top twenty?

Horror Trailer of the Day : Drag Me To Hell



Sam Raimi returns to his old playground

Wednesday 21 October 2009

Fantastic Mr Anderson

On horror unrelated news check out this interview with Wes Anderson promoting Fantastic Mr Fox (which I'm really looking forward to seeing)

Also Bill Murray on the likelihood of Ghostbusters 3

Some images from Richard Kelly's Southland Tales follow up The Box

And Spielberg will continue trying out all the best new rides before anyone else!

Plus London's first film venue may be in for a restoration to former glory

Horror Trailer Of The Day : All the Boys Love Mandy Lane



Featuring a breakout role for (probably) soon to be big thing Amber Heard a fairly standard teen slasher with a half decent twist in the tale

Monday 12 October 2009

The Hardest of Hard Candies

Wes Craven and Kevin Williamson took a look at and deconstructed the slasher film with Scream in the mid nineties. The characters where cannily switched on to the conventions of the staple of the horror genre and the culprits played up media obsession with the influence of violence on young minds.

It was a breath of fresh air in a tired market but if you really want to see the stalker sub genre turned inside out and upside down then it's 2005's Hard Candy you want to see.

Director David Slade and writer Brian Neslon (who later teamed up for the entertaining 30 Days Of Night) bring to screen a tale of a young girl and the older man she meets through an Internet chat room. In the first third of the film we feel uncomfortable as we try to figure the man's true intentions (is it really what we think it is and hope it isn't?) and squirm at the girl's flirtations as she seemingly seems intent on plunging herself headfirst out of her depth.

But as things progress as the tension remains constant new questions emerge about the intentions of the two parties. Slowly but surely the tables are turned and, as cliche as it to say it, the hunter becomes the hunted.



Suddenly we find ourselves both rooting for the girl but strangely also empathising with the man (whose intentions are still unclear) as he is chased, terrorised and tortures. Yes Sidney Prescott may have fought back but she never tied the killer down and exacted such shocking revenge.

Most would probably baulk at calling the film a horror but this two hander with excellent central performances from Ellen Page (forget Juno, this is what put her on the map) and Jeff Kohlver starts out with an uncomfortable tension and then ratchets it up from there, not once letting let go with even the lighter moments laced with threat and a sense of foreboding.

It truly does invert the traditional roles of the slasher film and plays out the scenario intelligently enough to leave the audience unsure as to whose side they should be on. Highly recommend but be warned it is a tense experience and one sequence in particular goes far and beyond Reservoir Dogs' infamous ear cutting.

Sunday 11 October 2009

Horror trailer of the day : Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Zack Synder's MTV update of the classic zombie film as mentioned in the article below

Time for the dead to stay dead?



This year George A Romero brings us the latest in his 'Dead' series with 'Survival Of The Dead' taking up events sometime after the period of Day Of The Dead it sees the efforts of a group of survivors to develop a cure for the epidemic.

Romero first found the limelight over forty years ago with Night Of The Living Dead (1968), the film was micro budgeted, starred and crewed mostly by friends of the director, was efficiently effective with it's thrills and arrived on the scene to take full advantage of the growing youthful audience that was on the look for more visceral entertainment.

What appeared to set the film apart from many of it's contemporaries was the subtext that appeared to be at work in the film. Ben, the male lead played by Duane Jones clashes with the other men trapped in the house with the survivors as to the best course of action, eventually coming out on top only to be cruelly and coldly shot day in the final moments of the film by a posse that assume him to be a zombie. His body is carried to a pyre as the film closes.

To put it bluntly the fact that Jones (as Ben) was a man of colour appears to open up the film to a whole line of questions and position of racial tension in the United State, those final scenes in particular would seem to agitate at underlying prejudices.

However when asked about Romero says that Jones was simply the best actor available to him at the time and he did not think about the racial angle when casting him. Now this doesn't necessarily undercut the themes at play here in and of itself, it would stay be fair to suggest Romero tailored the film to take advantage of what he had.

However Romero has gone on to say that even when people talk to him about the film to hims in terms of addressing racism he can't see it. That is to see the director of the film does not understand and indeed can not even perceive the reason why his film is still discussed at length to day and has not simply joined the massed ranks of similar efforts as Living Dead was by far from the first zombie film.

Romero's apparent lack of knowledge of the message seen by so many in his own film of course then calls into questions the sub-texts raised in his other following films, but has his career moved it appears he has clued into the fact that this is what gives his films strength and openly now discusses what he is trying to say with each one.

Failing to carve out a career away from the genre he'd done so much to popularise Romero returned to his apocalyptic world ten years later with Dawn Of The Day. Dawn sees a disparate group of survivors bunkered up within a shopping mall, at first he seems they have found the perfect environment to live out the horrors outside but as time goes on it becomes increasingly apparent that they have simply trapped themselves inside the beacon of consumerism.

Dawn is undoubtedly my favourite of the series. It is smartly written as it looks at the effects of (what is basically) imprisonment on a small cast of characters and does offer a critique of consumer culture and the mall life as we see the undead drawn to the mall as if by nature and watch as they shamble onto escalators as Muzak plays gently in the background. Significantly despite the desperation of the situation the film does end on a note of hope.

Day Of The Dead seven years later saw the series again return. This time things are bleaker than ever and this time we have the clash of science (in this case playing the role of diplomacy) versus the military situation. Once again the holocaust is used as a background onto which a human drama is hung as survivors clash over the best course of action and again the effects of long term isolation takes it's toll. A lot of the themes raised in Dawn are repeated in Day and the only significant difference between the two (aside the sub textual deliberations) is the addition of 'Bub' the zombie who is slowly learning to be a thinking person again.

The fact that Bub is on longer a straight forward unthinking monster helps the series to open some interesting moral questions and thoughts on how quickly a enemy can become less than human in times of conflict.

The next twenty years saw Romero struggle to make an impact away from his well known Dead series and so in returned to it 2005 with Land Of The Dead. The film is unremarkable and Romero's lack of progress in the intervening years is only highlighted by both the energetic verve and impact of Zack Synder's Dawn of the Dead reboot, the breathless unrelenting 28 Days Later and the witty eye for relateable detail of Shaun Of The Dead.

If not for Romero's name is highly likely that Land Of The Dead would have bypassed cinemas altogether. Romero again offers a critique of modern society identifying a rich and poor divide with a 'Bush' like corrupt figure in charge, this time it is clumsily handled as a theme, not the subtly of Dawn here, but a point hammered home.

Elsewhere the film feels more like a entry in the Resident Evil series rather than the shambling inevitable horror of the earlier entries. More action thriller than anything else. And don't get me started on how or why a apparently professional armed force is overrun by unarmed zombies that can't even run within seconds towards the end of the film.

Fair enough things can get out of control when you are totally surrounded by them but when the zombies advance slowly on your fortified positions I'm not quite sure how that supposed goes so wrong so quickly.

So,thus far I'd saw Dawn is my favourite of Romero's series followed by Night (which is still effective despite the lack of insight) then Day (which recover much of Dawn's ground) and lastly Land (which is basically the same as every other forgettable action horror for gore generation).

Having decide to not even try making anything else anymore Romero's quickly returned with Diary Of The Dead. Picking up events near the start of the fall of mankind it follows a group of media students and it attempts to say something about the influence of the media and our interactions with it. However it seems the film doesn't know what it exactly it wants to say (Is the media good or bad? Is the web a useful tool for the masses or an instrument of control?) nor how to really say it (the film flirts with a 'Cloverfield'/'Blair Witch' style but fails to commit). Nor does it help that Romero seems to be getting left behind by the society he's trying to comment on with ham fisted voice overs from one of the characters implying that Romero does not really understand the Internet and how it works (there is definite confusion between downloading and uploading) let alone what it means to the world at large.

Sadly there is nothing in the film itself to save it from the mishandled and heavy handed message, much like Kevin Smith Romero is a film maker when relies on what he has to say rather than on the ability on being able to present what he has to say in an interesting or imaginative way. In other words he's a competent filmmaker that no longer has anything interesting or relevant to say.

Just to make it clear I thought Diary Of The Dead was terrible and I really thing it's time for 'ol George to put down the megaphone and let the kids get on with it. I will not be surprised if Survival of the Dead does goes straight to DVD as Romero becomes increasingly irrelevant.

His Dawn of the Dead will remain a classic and Night will be remembered for so effectively laying down so many of the modern zombie film rules even if it's more interesting aspects appears to have been a happy accident. But it has to be said the George Romero has been recovering old ground since Day of the Dead and the journey is getting less effective and less interesting everytime.

Saturday 10 October 2009

Horror trailer of the day : Nightmare on Elm Street

At quick look at the rebooted slasher with the promise of a bumper content update to follow tomorrow

Tuesday 6 October 2009

Horror trailer of the day : Alien

The first, the best, the scariest. The original feature trialer for Alien is itself haunting and coldly effective like the very film it advertises.



Anyone who tells you Aliens is better is wrong. Up next a ramble and a rant about George A Romero and his 'Dead' series of films; which is taking longer to put together than I thought (partly due to Stargate : Bigby, as I shall be calling it, starting today with a double salvo)

Monday 5 October 2009

Horror trailer of the day : Funny Games (2007)

It's Michael Haneke's english laguage update of his own film, based on the tale of couple taken hostage by a pair of psychotic young men it takes this basic horror premise and uses it to ask questions on our modern relationship with violence, it doesn't really manage to answer them and the final reel twist is a divider of audencies. It's also certainly not an easy film to watch and is basically shot for shot the same as the first version.

Death, strange sense of humour.

Ok, I admit it I'm going to kick this thing off properly with something that seems to be the very pinnacle of what I don't like about horror films, but hear me out.

First off all the Final Destination series barely counts as horror for me. It's much closer to some kind of dark hearted comedy. With each installment built on the premise that some people escape death via a precognitive vision but are then offed one by one by the spirit of death itself what we get is basically a series of slap stick set pieces as filtered through something of a Grimm Fairytales lens.

The brainchild of X-Files luminaries Glen Morgan and James Wong the original film sees a bunch of high school kids thrown off a play minutes before it explodes in mid air. The first real indication of some sly smarts at play comes when we as the audience seen the plane explode in back of shot whilst the characters argue about being on it in the foreground with a beautiful second or so of delay before the window shatters.

A month later and people start dying in strange accidents, strangely convoluted and over intricate accidents. And there lies the joy, once it becomes obviously evitable that the majority of the cast are doomed it's a case sitting back and trying to guess exactly how there are to meet their ends.

Each major sequence cunningly offers up a number of potential hazards that could do the deed before normally managing to combine them all into some kind of mouse trap like dominoes effect of death.

Following installments basically change the cast but keep the formula with little effort to build any unnecessary mythos around the events. Now I normally don't like films that are all about horrible deaths and awful pain, but the Final Destination series takes these tools and plays it for laughs and more importantly does ask uys to revel in the suffering of others. Once they come the deaths are quick and then it's off and on to the next one, no prolonged scenes of torture to be found. (Though I admit the first salvo of the third feel does freak me out)

Pretty much the cinema equivalent of the Ghost Train at the fair or the rollercoaster the films pitch the audience this way and that but we all know what is coming. A bit like Tom and Jerry cartoons rendered real. These film know exactly what they are and run with it, upping the ante to daftly deadly highs. Most will find they are remotely horrified but do end up with grins on their faces as they chortle in disbelief.

Reveal in the comedic violent excess with Empire's list of the ten best deaths from the series, though it will spoil the wicked surprise if you haven't seen them

Sunday 4 October 2009

Eek! Halloween is a-coming

Seeing as this is the month of Halloween I figure I'll spend time over the coming days looking at, thinking about and talking about horror films. Horror as a general is genre that rarely interests me, the vast majority of it seems to be witless, soulless and craftless.

However I do find the odd film that does hold something to it other than large chested teenagers (and those can be guys or girls!) being stalked by a unstoppable maniac. So we'll be taking a look at some of those this month, alongside I imagine a couple of rants about the crappier end of the scale. I will also do my best to seek out and recommend some horror films that you may not have come across before and/or which I would actually go as far as to actually say they are good film.

Anyway a quick start with a look at a French film from last year, a first time effort for the director and writer it has picked strong buzz from the festival circuit and plays on some primal fears and motivations. Seems Europe is still full of twisted and scary things...

Saturday 3 October 2009

The Worst Blockbusters Ever Made?

Currently over on the Total Film website there is a list nominating thirty of the worst films set up as blockbusters that have been made. In brief the list is;

30.Dick Tracy
A strange on this, never quite sure of what kind of tone it wants as it veers from being overly comic bookly styled to half hearted film noir to musical and back plus Beatty & Madonna bring no chemistry to the central pairing

29.The Lost World : Jurassic Park
I actually quite like this, ok the last section is really stupid with the T-Rex running around downtown LA and the premise of a secret 2nd island is little lame but there is excitement and adventure to be had. The cliff hanging trailers sequence is a tense and thrilling set piece as you'll find anywhere else.

28.Last Action Hero
Again I quite enjoy this one as a decent parody of Arnie's own action oeuvre. The cartoon cat is a strange inclusion though it has to be said.

27.Alien : Resurrection
Easily the worst of the core Alien films, it's passable with a couple of interesting ideas for most of it's runtime. Then the Newborn turns up and any credibility gets sucked right out the window along with it.

26.Hudson Hawk
Something of a mis-fire this one and it's not alone in being a vanity project that doesn't work but it's forgettable rather than actively terrible

25.Rocky V
Rocky is good, Rocky II is ok. The rest of them are rubbish.

24.Forrest Gump
Striking in it's day in terms of technology but looking back it is rather mawkish and overly sentimental but Hanks it has to be said plays his role well and the soundtrack digs up some quality songs.

23.Independence Day
Sci-fi cheese of the grandest order, I used to really like it when it came out but re-watching it since it is in truth rather poor in all the sections where things aren't blowing up. Still Will Smith charisma just about pulls it off and watching the White House explode never gets old. Though "Hey, Chaps" British pilots do.

22.Lost In Space
Another one that struggles to really commit one way or another to an approach. The twisty time loopy plot does hold some interest once it gets going but it seems to be trying too hard to be part one of an extended saga

21.Twister
The twisters looks good but the rest of it is, well, boring.

20.Far And Away
Cruise and Kidman prove once again that real life couples can often struggle to put any kind of chemistry on screen in this 'epic' tale of frontier life.

19.Hook
Probably Speilberg's biggest misstep (even above 1941) it's like the Goonies in a Pirate Theme park with a middle aged man thrown in for some reason. I remember not even enjoying it as a undemanding 11-year-old.

18.Highlander 2 : The Quickening
Rubish, simple as. There can only be one and that's the first one.

17.Superman 4 : The Quest For Peace
Filmed for something like the catering budget of the first film in the series it's badly crippled, poor Reeves tries but can not say save this tale of Superman the peace-nik hippy.

16.Armageddon
Another one that is fine entertainment when things are exploding but pretty awful for the rest of it. Just don't think about the science and definitely don't think about Animal Cracker seduction and you'll be entertained. Still it does have one of my favourite lines, "..it's a big ass sky."

15.Ishtar
I haven't seen this but it's reputation implies that it would be a waste of time to bother

14.Popeye
Altman makes family friendly comedy based on a cartoon was never going to work really and lo, ot it doesn't.

13.Howard The Duck
Just goes to prove Lucas has had worse moments than the invention of Jar Jar Binks. Based an adult comic strip making a kiddy friendly movie about a horny duck from outer space was probably the worst idea going since the Star Wars Holiday special

12.Waterworld
Another that I quite like, you can see where the budget was spent and the setting is something different from the norm. Dennis Hopper has a whirl of a time hamming it up as the villain and the steam punk design ethos is quite cool

11.The Postman
Given the choice between Dances With Wolves and Dances with a post van I'll take the former. Over-earnest and numbingly slow paced I've actually never managed to sit through the whole thing

10.Godzilla
A film where you can loose a sky scraped tall lizard in the subway system! It says something that the early pre-release trailer was better than the actual movie as it craftily riffs on Jurassic Park

09.Cutthroat Island
Another one that is lively enough but just rather forgettable overall and forever left with a albatross of a bloated budget and disastrous series production disasters

08.Titanic
Over-long with a terribly unconvincing central love story, the biggest star is the boat even before it sinks.

07.Wild Wild West
Big Willie's first real notable box office failure, it's actually good fun places but another one that reeks of many cooks spoiling the broth.

06.Pearl Harbour
Dull, dull, dull. Then the attack on the titular harbour happens which is a great set piece. But is sadly followed by another couple of hours worth of dull, dull, dull, dull.

05.Star Wars Episode I : The Phantom Menace
Darth Maul is awesome and hey it is Star Wars so I'm programmed at a sub conscious level to like it to some extent but I admit it is quite ponderous and Jake Lloyd is truly terrible.

04.Speed 2 : Cruise Control
As if someone tried to thing of the lest dynamic scenario for film called Speed that they could. Reeves did well to say no to a return in this listless follow up.

03.Battlefield Earth
Yes, look it's another one of those vanity projects that doesn't work. Fails even on that pizza and beer movie level.

02.The Avengers
I actually really enjoyed this when I saw it, taken in the right frame of mind it is an enjoyable daft comedy action romp around. But I totally understand why other people hate it.

01.Batman & Robin
The neon glow finally engulfs the Dark Knight as it finally gets as camp as the 60s TV show. The previous film was saved by a tour De force of mania from Jim Carrey but this time out Arnie just can't carry it off as Bruce's icy nemesis this time round whilst Uma Thurman (unlucky enough to be in the top two) tires and fails to pull off something along the lines of Pfeiffer's Catwoman.
Joel Schumacher admits he was under studio orders to make thing as child friendly and colourful as possible and so decided to go all out on it and boy does it shows. Painful to watch just in terms of the visual assault on the eyes let alone the terrible script and acting.

Friday 2 October 2009

Trailer of the day : The Fantastic Mr Fox

When The Royal Tennenbaums meets Roald Dahl you get Wes Anderson's 'The Fantastic Mr Fox' and I am very much looking forward to it.