Profile 7: Galactus

GALACTUS

Age: The span of this universe, plus change.

Eyes: The size of beachballs.

Hair: Strawberry blonde, but we didn't tell you that.

Hats: Rakish and fashionable, at least on any planet that doesn't want to get itself eaten.

Turn Ons: Consuming planets, preferably with balsamic vinegar and a side salad.

Turn Offs: Mortal interference, rebellious flunkies, gas giants (they give him wind).

Nemesis: The Fantastic Four, mainly the stretchy one who won't stop whining.
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Luxury Items: Elemental Converter, ludicrously large golf umbrella.

Choice Of Minion: The Silver Surfer. The Kirby one, obviously, because the Moebius Silver Surfer was shit.

There are some who might say that Galactus is not truly evil, that he represents eternity within our galaxy, and that his world-consuming hunger should be viewed with rage, but with awe, and perhaps even pity.

Galactus would eat those pussies for breakfast and not even notice. This is a dude so ridiculously hard that the destruction of the last universe didn't finish him off (though it did make him a little peckish). Like him or loathe him, what the Hell does he care? He's going to drink your oceans, and swallow the moon as an aperatif.

Whilst powerful beyond belief, Galactus may find it hard to fit into Big Evil. That damned Surfer is liable to keep scheming against him, for starters. Then there's the fact that he's too big for the house and will have to stand in the garden and hope it doesn't snow. Still, at least no-one will demand that he does his share of the , in case he serves up Venus on a bed of fennel.