At least one half of the room is excited today as the European Championships kick off. Some say it's not interesting because England are not taking part but if you take the approach that you can now enjoy every game without that gnawing feeling that national failure is only a central defender's penalty away it's suddenly all about just watching the game.
And now for a team by team guide :
Switzerland : Co-hosts but unlikely to progress with a defence built upon a man who can speak five languages but didn't remember to learn "man on", "mark up", "keeper's ball" or "clear it" in any of them, yes it's Philip Senderos
Czech Republic : Perennial dark horses the Czech's have carved out a niche in that not quite good enough to win it group of nations, expect Peter Czech to increasingly be lost under protective padding and excited chatter amongst mid table Premiership clubs over the new Poborsky.
Turkey : A talented group of players conflicted about if they should even be taking part in an European tournament or not, still expect 'Boro and Bolton to waving the cheque books about
Portugal : A strong chance of taking home the prize unless someone does every other team a favour and snaps Ronaldo in two within ten minutes of kick off. Still a side wary of deploying anything as useful as a striker who actually scores the occasional goal.
Austria : They are to the Euros what Derby were to last year's Premiership, only taking part because they are the proverbial kid who only gets to play because it's his ball.
Poland : First time at the finals proper, not helped by Germany nicking at least three players (Klose and Podolski included) and being over blessed in the one position on the field where you can't work a tactic to include your best players, that would by Goal-keeper. Still, a study outfit that might well give one or two of the bigger boys a fright
Croatia : Qualified ahead of England but missing that crucial killer instinct to push on towards the big prize, they only wish Steve McClaren could take charge of their opposition every time.
Germany : People are question their rearguard but they will surely reach the semis at least, as they always do. Have the twin advantages of being led by a Cyclon (Ballack, see previous evidence) and the only nation on the face of the Earth to approach penalty shoot-outs with-out fear.
France : A strong side full of talent and pace, a lot depends upon how long the team can progress before pulling a collective sulk at some perceived insult as a thrown in is given the other way. In an ideal world Henry will remember he used to be good and do something productive and Le Sulk himself will perversely find his Bolton form rather than his Chelsea one.
Holland : Getting a long with each other for change the Dutch could finally once more find glory. Van Persie and Van Nistelrooy supply the firepower and are backed up by the tumbli' Robben amongst others. If everyone plays nice with each for the full course of the tournament they'll be able to argue about who gets to sit next to the trophy on the way home
Italy : Once more expect the Italians to smoother the opposition into submission, score one goal a game and shut up shop. Demonstrating the art of defending and of breaking up the flow of the game by falling over and committing niggly fowls. Not pretty, but still pretty effective.
Romania : Drawn with Italy, France and Holland in the group stage, they are going home early but Andrian Mutu will probably find time to enjoy himself. Buying chocolate obviously.
Greece: The holders, which is still hard to believe, will play much the same as they did last time around. But with four more years on tired legs are much more likely to run out of steam and are a lot less likely to be underestimated by others.
Russia : Roman's second chance of Euro glory this summer, massive win bonuses all round and 'ol Guus Hiddink pulling the strings our friends from the East certainly won't be easy pushovers.
Spain : Perhaps the most talented team on display at the whole damn thing. Torres should be dangerous to even the hardiest defence and having Fabregas and Xavi in middle of the park isn't to be sniffed at. Still, expect a massive case of stage fright and underachievement but if they make out of the group stages, you never know.
Let the fun begin, all that remains is to find something to fill the football-less void in July, anyone for the Ultimate Frisbee World Championship?
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